Personal Note: 2 week “diet”

I am currently a few days in to a two-week long cleanse/detox diet. It’s incredibly strict, but I’m determined to make it work. It’s not easy, though, and that’s why I’m writing this post. Warning: incoming personal confessions. If you  are only interested in WoW stuff, you can definitely skip this post.

This has nothing to do with worries over “size”. I’m not entirely pleased with my body, but in all honesty – I’m not sure if that’s something I’m likely to ever be again. I was almost happy with myself a few years ago. However, I also almost killed myself getting there. Literally.

When I was 24, I was engaged.  Our relationship was “fine”, but his interest in anything physical was lacking. Of course, I blamed myself – maybe if I was more perfect, he would want me more. So I aimed for “perfect”. I was exercising to the point of burning 3k plus calories every day, and only eating enough to keep me from falling over. It amounted to a couple hundred calories. I would buy specific low-calorie bread. The lowest calorie yogurt cups. Even coffee was carefully counted against what I would allow myself in a day.

It worked in the sense that I lost a bunch of weight that I didn’t need to lose. I was literally starving myself, and how I escaped without long-term damage to my body is beyond me. What it didn’t do was make that relationship any better. C’est la vie.

Most of you reading this know that I still have fairly bad eating habits. But I eat when I’m hungry. I don’t worry about knowing the *exact* caloric content of my food, and I don’t count. I’ll even grab a slice of pizza if I want it.

But that’s the tough part of this cleanse – forcing myself to eat regular meals. And snack. I’m supposed to eat three meals a day, and snack in between. Yesterday, I managed to get to 2 meals. I munched on some random fruit and veggies during the day as much as I could. Eating breakfast is not easy. I have always – even growing up – had a tough time eating when I wake up artificially (ie: to an alarm).  Breakfast yesterday took me over an hour to get through, and my oatmeal and blueberries concoction is still sitting next to me as I struggle to type this.

It’s been interesting for me to see all of this unfold. I didn’t realize just how much I’d have to force myself to eat while doing this. I knew it would be drastically different, but with having some veggie snacks at the office, I don’t even want to eat “lunch” when I get home from work. That is always my one main meal of the day. I get home from work, and I eat. It was a tough sell yesterday. I did it, though, because I knew that I had to get that “meal” in there, but…

So this is me right now. I’m fighting my body to try and do something healthy, and that’s probably harder than *desperately* wanting caffeine. Or a cookie. Or something other than a vegetable. It’s the emotional reaction to seeing just how tough this is for me to do – not because the diet is so strict, but because I have to work so much on the eating schedule. And still only “almost” get there. But I’m trying my best. I figure if I can at least stick to the allowed foods, this cleanse will be a win.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go drink one of the million litres of water I’m supposed to drink in a day. 🙂



On LFR, Raids, and Life

Well, it’s been kind of an “all over the place” sort of week for me. Where to begin! I guess we’ll take it one step at a time.

Looking for raid. I’ve had a little bit of a love-hate relationship with this lately. I have been trying to take Maeve through it, in the hopes of upping some of her lower items so that she might be able to get in to the pug Dragon Soul raids offered in trade chat. At ilvl 387, she’s not exactly a prime candidate for people to choose – which is unfortunate, because given that she is the same spec as my main, I *know* what I’m doing in these exact same encounters for this exact toon. I don’t say this in any sort of a boasting manner, because I’m well aware that there are folks who are much better than myself, but for her gear level I’m sure she can outperform many who are playing alts that may have a higher item level but are not as familiar with that alternate class. I know Maeve like the back of my hand, because she’s a direct mirror of Avi. Just lesser gear. I’m really hoping that I can get her moving soon, but after 3 weeks of full LFR clears and not a *single* piece of loot to help move her score in the right direction, it is getting a little frustrating.

I haven’t done much LFR for Avi until recently, because there’s just no gear that I need out of there. But when I decided to try healing, it was a great place to jump in to. It has been a learning experience, and also gave me a new trinket yesterday. So there’s a bonus, I suppose! But it sure would be nice if any of those Rathraks that drop when I’m in there would ever drop for Maeve. 😉

Friday night also meant raid time for me. I had been looking forward to doing this all week – nothing like some good dead bosses to really kick things up a notch! I was a little concerned when I logged in that we weren’t going to have enough people online to actually go ahead with raid. But, luckily, things came together just in time. We had one or two “backups” who lack experience or similar gear level, but that’s okay! And it really, really was. We still managed to knock out another Heroic Zon’ozz kill, which was astounding to me. That boss is definitely an example of “it’s either right, or it’s WRONG”, in my experience. There is absolutely no room for error there, unlike some other fights. We can wipe early and painfully on Zon’ozz for enough attempts that we start wondering if we should just skip it – and then on our next (“last?”) attempt, he dies. It’s baffling, really. I won’t complain, he is still dead, after all. 🙂 But it’s just strange. Made for a good raid night, though. Being able to get through our 5/8 Heroic bosses, even with people in raid who had never seen fights like Zon’ozz or Ultraxion on heroic difficulty, felt amazing.

And finally, just a little personal thing that is one of the reasons I haven’t posted in a few days… The other day, I finally received a letter from my Wolfe who is away at Basic. I knew he had sent it, because he had managed a few moments to email me a little while back, and I’ve even had a lucky 5 minutes on the phone with him once since he’s been gone – a very long 5 and a half weeks so far. The notebook I’ve been writing “to him” in daily is getting filled quite quickly, so knowing how precious his time is, I sat down immediately and wrote a simple one-page letter back. I tucked in a few things that I’d printed off from Tumblr that I thought he would find amusing, and rushed to the post office to get it sent out right away. He can read my daily ‘notes’ to him when he’s done and has more free time. What’s important is that I finally got to write back to him. He wasn’t given the address before he left, so I’d been waiting all this time to be able to do that.

I’m looking forward to a weekend with possibly some more D3, and hopefully more raiding. I got my feet wet in D3’s Nightmare mode today – not very far, but I thought I might as well give it a shot. I haven’t played since I finished Normal, figuring that it would probably be difficult for me to get much further. But hey, I have the game, I might as well try! The inspiration from knowing that the Team Squishy crew was making progress in Inferno mode was a big part of this decision. I wish them the best of luck, and maybe one day I’ll get to that level! :p WoW raid schedule for tomorrow has us facing off against Heroic Warmaster, and I have my fingers crossed that we get the attendance to actually put some work in on him. If not, I’m sure some of the casuals/backups will enjoy a shot at a few normal boss kills and the loot they might be able to use from that. 🙂