And so it ends…

As optimistic as I was for TOR working out… I logged in today hopeful to be there for tonight’s raid.

However, I was confronted with a whisper of “what the hell could have happened that was worth losing two of our best dps?”

And no matter what I said, it was apparently “not a big deal”. Nevermind the fact that *I* wasn’t the person who kicked the offender from guild. Nevermind that it was NOT my decision — I had merely messaged our GM that I was going to step back because of the conflict. Nevermind that HE decided that it was more important to kick an egotistical, sexist jackass than lose one of his trusted officers.

No, no… it’s MY fault. it’s all my fault. because I dared accept the fact that i was standing up for myself by even saying something rather than just leaving without a word.

So I’m done. I gave my resignation, messaged my GM on facebook, and that was the end of that. Which also, for the time being at least, ends my TOR career. And that makes me sad, because I did enjoy the game – and I enjoyed TOR Avi. She was fun – and was apparently getting some Consular love in the next patch.

But that’s the way the cookie crumbles, right?

See you in WoW. 🙂

Cooling stands/fans

Putting the call out for suggestions – I need a new cooling stand for my laptop. The one I have currently (which has lasted a lot longer than I thought it would considering how little I paid for it) is starting to bite the bullet and making WAY too much noise for my liking.

Must have a fan. My laptop does a pretty darn good job alone, but in extended gaming sessions, extra cooling never hurts anything – especially in the land of no air-conditioners. Doesn’t really matter if it has a tilt to it, as the laptop itself is designed that way. Needs to be able to adequately support this beast that I haul around even though it’s probably too large to really be called a *laptop* (17.3″ display).

Preferably will not require an additional power source (USB connection is nice) – but if there’s a reasonably priced, super quiet one that works otherwise, I’m all for it.

Need to be able to purchase in (or ship to) Canada!

Feel free to email me with any links. 🙂

Thanks!

What do you look for?

When you’re deciding whether you even want to try playing a game (function/end-game/etc aside), what piques your interest?

The question arises since a friend asked me if I’ll be playing The Secret World. Honestly, I doubt it. It doesn’t seem like something I would be interested in. I like the fantasy aspect of my games.

Let’s face it — my very first MMO toon was a cute little Fae in EQ2. I had WINGS, man. I loved that. She was adorable and pretty, and I like fairies. 😛 I even made an Arasai, which I turned-to-the-good side, just for the slightly different character customization. Those were my favorite toons of all the ones I played in that game. Because I liked the look. 🙂

When I moved on to WoW, I made a Draenei (though I was SO sad over the loss of my wings!). Again – I like the look. It’s a break from reality when I game, and I think part of me enjoys having my toons represent that. None of my alts are humans – even if their classes could be played by one. I have Draenei and Worgens (who are *never* in their human form). I’m also fully intent on having a Pandaren toon or two.

SWTOR was borderline for me at first. The appreciation I have for Star Wars, and the fact that my friends were playing, got me started there – and light sabers and magic. But I like the Mirialan that the TOR Avi ended up being. Again, I’m really not drawn to playing a Human. Or even a Cyborg, really. Twi’lek? Sure – if I can ever bring myself to level *again* in that game.

So clearly, a definite fantasy element is involved for me to immerse myself. I don’t want to play a human – I do that IRL, thanks. 😉 The Secret World, to me, seems too “realistic”. When the game world looks like the real world, it doesn’t grip me. If people are running around hacking at mobs with chainsaws, I’m more turned off than I am intrigued.

Beta feedback/Sexism in WoW

Because my response to this whole thing can’t be contained in a twitter post. And because I don’t feel like dealing with the ridiculous number of tools on the MMO Champ thread, or even on the official forum thread, by posting there.

Honestly – I don’t see where some people get off on thinking that their opinions are the only ones that matter. And I don’t mean that in the sense of *some* of the posters on the aforementioned threads, don’t get me wrong.

What I am disagreeing with is the people who think that legitimate feedback has no place in a feedback forum.

I just don’t get it. Whatever happened to the idea of folks having an opinion/brain/etc? Whatever happened to that being a GOOD THING, rather than something to be ridiculed, mocked, etc?

Do I necessarily have the same offended / creeped out reaction to the quest text in question? No. But that doesn’t mean I can’t respect THEIR feelings on the issue. That doesn’t mean I can’t respect their ability to give FEEDBACK on the issue. In a forum designed for FEEDBACK on a freaking BETA of a game, to ensure that the game – when released – is released to its full potential.

I can’t help but feel like the people who are knee-jerk reacting to the post are the people out there who don’t understand social boundaries. Like they would be the guy that thinks grabbing my ass in a bar is *cool* and not warranting a slap in the damn face. (Sorry, I can’t think of an adequate female equivalent example – flirting with a guy to get him to buy drinks for her all night and then laughing and calling him stupid as she walks away?)

Yes, please feel free to weigh in and say “you know, I didn’t get that same feeling from the quest. Interesting to see other points of view, glad you brought it up!” —- because yes, balanced feedback is great when working on a beta! There is ZERO need for people to butt in to the thread and name-call, insult, otherwise-act-like-jerks. The only thing accomplished by that is to show people that you think offending people is your damn personal right, because YOU think they should feel differently about something you said or did.

Well, I’m one of the many here to tell you: No it’s bloody well not. The world isn’t here to bow to your every whim. Man, woman, ANYONE – we’re all people. People who have the right to an opinion, and to not be told to “remove a stick”, or “get laid”, or any other such completely non-constructive and downright ignorant responses (if you can even dignify them with the word ‘response’) that you can come up with.

If you don’t agree with something, and feel like stating your opinion, go for it. But doing so doesn’t have to belittle the feelings or opinions of someone else.

Because an opinion is something I can respect. Idiocy, however, I have zero tolerance for.

When you just “can’t do it”

Combine general life blah, the recent amazingly crappy stuff in game, along with a socially anxious persona to start with and you’ve got a girl who can’t even bring herself to log on to TOR right now.

As in, the very idea of logging on to raid this evening is pushing me towards an anxiety attack. Which is a new thing for me.

Not the anxiety attacks — but typically those are reserved for real life situations. Like having to be around people who aren’t in my comfort circle.

Gaming is kinda my safe-haven from that. Nobody is going to step too far in to my space bubble and make me want to cower in a corner. Until now, apparently. TOR still has the taint of guildie betrayal, and as weird as that may sound to some people, it’s very real for me. And it’s manifesting itself in a huge, giant ball of icky anxiety related to the game.

So this really sucks. WoW, TOR – those are places I retreat to for safe social interaction. Aside from people I actually know in real life that I game with, there are people very near and dear to me that I may have not met in person, but care about deeply. People who I choose to raid with because I enjoy the group activity. It’s FUN.

TOR hasn’t recovered for me yet. Not enough to get past this mental block. I won’t even open Mumble. I’m hiding on my personal vent server, which only select people have access to for a reason. It’s another safe haven.

Folks may think I’m weird. I think I know where my stress limits are. And I take care not to push them.

A little blue…

My man goes off to basic training on the 17th… I went to the store today on my way home to buy pretty paper and whatnot to write him letters, and it kinda drove home the fact that we won’t be able to talk for 9 weeks.

Not an easy idea for someone who you’re used to talking to every single day… It’s not going to be fun. But he’s doing the hard part, I’m just playing the waiting game. But I can write to him — and write I will.

All. The. Time.

After that he’s right off to AIT… but I’m already working on vacation plans for this summer to go visit shortly after that starts. So each day that passes with him at basic is one day closer to that very special trip.

Love you sweetness.

Totally random AM post

Because you will never guess what I bought on my way to work, ya’ll…

Mountain Dew — WITH CAFFEINE.

For a long time it had boggled my mind that I would hear fellow gamers talking about how they had Dew for a long gaming sesh. It took me a while before I even asked why, and then imagine my surprise when I found out that American Dew was caffeinated! My surprise, and my jealousy, might I add. 😉

But, my Canadian friends… It has arrived.

Look out world – my Mountain Dew is now rocking caffeine. And I’m a happy camper. 🙂

Yay for new transmog!

My new kilt *finally* dropped today – I’m so done with you, Ramparts!

I’d been running around in a base setup of Black Dragonscale. It was fun, but I’d been wearing it for far too long and needed a change!

So I went out and started getting together the t2 recolour set. I snagged a mace that dropped when we were going back in to Firelands to get some achieves and whatnot that would go perfectly with the colour scheme. I had a shield made. I had alllll the pieces I would need — except the kilt! The darn thing was stubborn and just wouldn’t drop. Until today!

Meet the newly outfitted Avi!

Finding pretty maces isn’t as easy as one would think, apparently… And since I’m running with the H Vagaries of Time, has to be mace transmog. Kinda frustrating! But at least this one worked. 🙂

Head: Renegade Circlet of Stamina

Shoulders: Mantle of the Sea Wolf

Back (hidden)

Chest: Harness of the Deep Currents

Gloves: Fathomheart Gauntlets

Legs: Oceansong Kilt

Boots (unimportant as a Draenei cause you only see hooves anyway with a skirt!)

Mace: Shatterskull Bonecrusher (Heroic)

Shield: Titansteel Shield Wall

Interesting turn of events

aka – how things happen at the strangest times.

I was in the middle of writing a post earlier about how, due to the reluctance of my GM to actually take action against the offensive stuff in guild lately, I had cancelled my TOR subscription. Because that’s what I did this morning when his response to my concern via text was basically nothing at all.

In the midst of said writing this afternoon, I receive a new text — he wants to know if I am done with TOR, or just done with this guy. Cause he was going to kick him from guild and wanted to make sure I’d still be around for re-building. Um, yes? I love the game. I love raiding with the other folks there. I don’t WANT to quit!

Now, not to say this outcome was without its consequences. Someone that I had thought was a friend reacted so venomously to the removal of this guy from guild that I ended up having to ban his IP from our forums as well as the former guild-mate, so that I didn’t have to babysit the forum while he had a cooling off period. Yes, seeing someone’s true colours is always a good thing — but it was still painful for me.

And, of course, as someone who always likes to “keep the peace” (and that’s actually one of my functions as an officer – the person folks can talk to about issues), I have that niggling mis-placed guilt that *I* somehow caused trouble, as ridiculous as that is. It’s not easy to stand up for yourself, especially when it’s standing up against sexist comments in a highly male-dominated situation like MMO’s. Even though it’s right, that doesn’t make it FEEL any better.

But I’ll get over it. The guy actually tracked me down in WoW to chat with me, since I’d ignored him in TOR. I had removed him from realID, but hadn’t thought to put his actual toon on ignore. He did apologize, and I do give him credit for that. But I still just said that I hoped it gave him reason to THINK about what he says sometimes, because it actually hurt and upset me. I tried to point out the distinction between friendly banter and actual offensive comments, but I’m not sure if I hit home on that.

At any rate… It was great to actually have BOTH of my GMs (TOR and WoW) step up and take appropriate action. My WoW GM reacted as soon as I told him about the issue and removed the guy from guild. They have a zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing (or racism, or any sort of hate-speech), and it’s one of the reasons that it is a safe-haven for me. Do we still have the banter there? Absolutely! But it doesn’t cross lines, and every single member understands that. Which is impressive in a guild as large as Tranquility is.

All in all, I love the folks that I game with. They make the world a better place.