How Slowly Time Passes

It hasn’t even been quite two weeks since mah Wolfe left for Basic. And it feels like an eternity.

It really doesn’t seem like it was only a short time ago that I was up early before work – and I get up at 5AM anyway, so that’s *damn* early – to be able to talk to him the morning before he left.

And yet, it hasn’t even been two weeks. I still have over seven more weeks to go, and that’s counting on the short side of things (it may be longer depending on processing times and whatnot).

I look at the weekly countdown on my calendar and just feel kinda empty inside. I miss him. I miss hearing his voice. I miss knowing he’s always there to talk to – whether it’s about a stupid thing that occurred at work, something exciting that happened… or even if it’s just to say “Hi, I love you”. Or to hear his voice saying those words. It’s the little things in your day that you really miss when they just aren’t there anymore.

It’s a good thing that I decided to start writing in a notebook instead of the letter. I’ve already taken up a good ten pages in the “I can’t send you a novel to Basic” notebook that I started writing in. Just describing the dream that I had the other night took up over a page on its own. That was terrible. I’ve had nightmares that shook me up even after I had pulled myself out of it, but this was worse in all honesty. The dream had me WITH him. I was so happy in that dream that when I woke up, it was a reality check  so heartbreaking that I wept. I wished that I could go back to sleep, back in to that dream, and just stay there until he was out of Basic.

I am a strong, capable woman. I know this. I have lived my life without him and know entirely well that I can continue regardless. I will keep doing my day to day things even though I can’t talk to him. But that doesn’t make it any easier. HE makes my life easier. Knowing that he is there has become a level of comfort for me, and I miss it. He’s become that point in my day that I look forward to, and without it things don’t feel quite the same.

I AM strong enough to get through this, and I will not falter. I like to consider this my testing ground. He is proving himself as a soldier, and I am proving myself as a constant supporter of him in his chosen future. I will always be proud, encouraging, and full of love for him – because he holds my heart wherever he goes.

I just sure wish that I could make time move faster.

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