It’s been many, MANY a moon since I’ve done anything in writing, beyond things like a scribbled note on a post-it.
I could probably date back to essay questions in high school being the last time I wrote any significant amount of text by hand – we’re talking over a decade ago. I was never a serious journal keeper, but I know for a fact that by at the LATEST nineteen years of age, any journal I did have was written on the computer.
Today, I sat down to write to my beloved Wolfe. We had our last talk on vent super early this morning (5AM), and then my heart was taken from my chest and left with him for basic training with the army. So after I zombied my way through the work day, unable to even enjoy the sushi my mom brought me, I walked back in the house, took out the pretty stationery, and started writing.
It was at this point that I lamented NOT writing more often. While my printing is still extremely legible, it’s still terrible (to me, anyway, though I know I am my own worst critic). But I used to LOVE cursive. I actually got in *trouble* one time, in first grade, because I handed in my school journal in cursive. (We “weren’t supposed to know how to do that”, because it hadn’t been taught at school yet – boy did my parents ever set the school straight on that account. I had been home taught and it was structurally perfect, if still the clumsy letters of a young child. I would have cursive in my journal if I wanted.)
Sorry, that kind of went off on a tangent. Anyway – I used to love cursive. I hardly ever printed, and despised forms which required block printing. Now? Now, cursive requires actual thought and concentration – and even then I make an inordinate amount of mistakes. I would probably end up throwing away more pages than I wrote, because I would goof up enough words that it would be a jumbled mess of stuff being scratched out.
I honestly think part of it is that I “think faster” now, because even when I print I tend to get ahead of myself by a letter. But it’s easier to catch/correct that sort of thing in print than it is cursive, by far. I mean, if you mess up a “lead in” to a letter, you’ve just hooped that entire word.
I really hope that in the course of daily writing letters to Mah Wolfe, this will start coming back to me. I’m not even that comfortable with printing at this point – it feels awkward. So maybe, just maybe, as the printing starts to get easier (and my brain starts slowing down to match the writing pace), I’ll be able to regain the flow of cursive.
Or hey, maybe I’ll take up calligraphy again. I used to LOVE that when I was younger. I had such pretty calligraphy sets, with a variety of widths and ink colours. I kinda miss it. 😉