Yay for new transmog!

My new kilt *finally* dropped today – I’m so done with you, Ramparts!

I’d been running around in a base setup of Black Dragonscale. It was fun, but I’d been wearing it for far too long and needed a change!

So I went out and started getting together the t2 recolour set. I snagged a mace that dropped when we were going back in to Firelands to get some achieves and whatnot that would go perfectly with the colour scheme. I had a shield made. I had alllll the pieces I would need — except the kilt! The darn thing was stubborn and just wouldn’t drop. Until today!

Meet the newly outfitted Avi!

Finding pretty maces isn’t as easy as one would think, apparently… And since I’m running with the H Vagaries of Time, has to be mace transmog. Kinda frustrating! But at least this one worked. 🙂

Head: Renegade Circlet of Stamina

Shoulders: Mantle of the Sea Wolf

Back (hidden)

Chest: Harness of the Deep Currents

Gloves: Fathomheart Gauntlets

Legs: Oceansong Kilt

Boots (unimportant as a Draenei cause you only see hooves anyway with a skirt!)

Mace: Shatterskull Bonecrusher (Heroic)

Shield: Titansteel Shield Wall

Interesting turn of events

aka – how things happen at the strangest times.

I was in the middle of writing a post earlier about how, due to the reluctance of my GM to actually take action against the offensive stuff in guild lately, I had cancelled my TOR subscription. Because that’s what I did this morning when his response to my concern via text was basically nothing at all.

In the midst of said writing this afternoon, I receive a new text — he wants to know if I am done with TOR, or just done with this guy. Cause he was going to kick him from guild and wanted to make sure I’d still be around for re-building. Um, yes? I love the game. I love raiding with the other folks there. I don’t WANT to quit!

Now, not to say this outcome was without its consequences. Someone that I had thought was a friend reacted so venomously to the removal of this guy from guild that I ended up having to ban his IP from our forums as well as the former guild-mate, so that I didn’t have to babysit the forum while he had a cooling off period. Yes, seeing someone’s true colours is always a good thing — but it was still painful for me.

And, of course, as someone who always likes to “keep the peace” (and that’s actually one of my functions as an officer – the person folks can talk to about issues), I have that niggling mis-placed guilt that *I* somehow caused trouble, as ridiculous as that is. It’s not easy to stand up for yourself, especially when it’s standing up against sexist comments in a highly male-dominated situation like MMO’s. Even though it’s right, that doesn’t make it FEEL any better.

But I’ll get over it. The guy actually tracked me down in WoW to chat with me, since I’d ignored him in TOR. I had removed him from realID, but hadn’t thought to put his actual toon on ignore. He did apologize, and I do give him credit for that. But I still just said that I hoped it gave him reason to THINK about what he says sometimes, because it actually hurt and upset me. I tried to point out the distinction between friendly banter and actual offensive comments, but I’m not sure if I hit home on that.

At any rate… It was great to actually have BOTH of my GMs (TOR and WoW) step up and take appropriate action. My WoW GM reacted as soon as I told him about the issue and removed the guy from guild. They have a zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing (or racism, or any sort of hate-speech), and it’s one of the reasons that it is a safe-haven for me. Do we still have the banter there? Absolutely! But it doesn’t cross lines, and every single member understands that. Which is impressive in a guild as large as Tranquility is.

All in all, I love the folks that I game with. They make the world a better place.

My stupidity astounds me

Honestly, sometimes I think I shouldn’t interact via any sort of digital media. At least not with people that I love.

Because I suck at it – I really do. When the “tone” is lost, for example via text message, I come across terribly.

Now, the most important person in my world doesn’t want to speak to me, because what I was trying to say went horribly, horribly wrong. Without the ability to re-clarify instantly, or gentle a tone, or ANYTHING like that, I caused pain. Which is kind of ironic, because I did so in the process of trying to explain how much I was hurting over not being able to do something.

In the end, it doesn’t matter why it happened – but simply that it did happen. I hurt someone I love. And that’s the kind of shit that has me crying over my computer and wanting to avoid human contact forever.

I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. 🙁

When sexism ruins a game

I’ve got a fairly high tolerance for joking, don’t get me wrong.

The guys I game with can make silly little jokes and I’m not offended. I get a laugh about my gloves looking like oven mitts, and relation to my baking, etc – I find it funny too. I’m not someone that has to be tippy-toed around, I *like* the banter. I can give it right back, because it’s well-intentioned and not cruel. But sometimes a boundary gets pushed and I can’t take it anymore.

I wrote yesterday about something that had been bothering me (Random Guild Ramblings). And it only got worse last night.

As we’re trying for a tough kill (to get our Eternal titles), of course we run in to some wipes. At one point, said guildie made a comment along the lines of “of course we wiped, we have a woman.” Now, that wasn’t the extent of the comment – he also included Canadians and whatnot in there. Which made it even worse, IMO, because instead of me being a *Canadian*, I don’t even count as receiving that label. Oh no. I’m just a woman.

And I’m tired of it, I really am. I’m pretty sure that it’s because it comes across as a general demeanor for this guy, rather than the same “all in good fun” that I see from my guy friends. It has a bad, derogatory vibe that makes me uncomfortable and upset.

It makes me feel like I should just quit raiding. I know that shit isn’t going to stop, and I really don’t want to listen to it anymore. And that makes me sad, because I really enjoy helping with the guild – and the rest of the guys are awesome and actually treat me like a human being. I’m no less of a person because I’m a woman to most of them, but that one bad egg can basically ruin an entire gaming experience.

Direction and what it means

Making decisions that affect an entire guild can be interesting.

The other night, as me and our GM were watching the live stream of the Team Squishy raid, we were discussing the direction of our guild.

Initially, TS was intended to be a 16m raiding guild. That’s what we were headed for when Star Wars launched. Unfortunately, the server we were placed on ended up being fairly low population, AND we’re also Republic. Talk about compounding the problem.

So, at this point in the game, and looking towards 1.2, I started to realize that my recruitment spam was getting nowhere. We have core people who are *really* good, some folks who are good people but not so great gamers, and we still didn’t even have a full 16m raid. Which meant we had to think about stuff.

We ended up having a meeting with those core folks that would end up on the front lines of our raid team. And thankfully came to a general consensus.

So we’re moving forward as an 8m progression guild. Which is where most of us wanted to be anyway. We like the server firsts, we like getting shit done. Now, of course, those other good people aren’t going anywhere (unless they choose to, of course), but progression will be our main focus and there will be folks who have preferential raid spots. And we needed this. We were balanced somewhere between including everyone all the time with the aim of doing 16s, and killing bosses, so it ended up that NO one was truly happy.

Now we have a goal. We have direction. And it’s given our guild a real purpose. We can work towards not just being the top Republic guild, but the top guild period – even with our limited raid schedule. And that’s exciting. 🙂

Random guild ramblings

Being part of guild management isn’t always easy. It’s not always easy being the only female officer — or heck, the only “serious” female currently raiding with us. As much as I ensure that there is no vile-spewed sexist remarks, I know it’s still there. One of my guildies even stated just the other day, with me right there in mumble, that women just don’t play DPS.

He asked the question of the other guys in chat: “Seriously, name a girl dps.”

As I’m sitting there, waving my hand, another answered – “uh, Avi” (THANK YOU, S!)

Talk about feeling marginalized. Not that the sexist commenter didn’t acknowledge that I could play my class (which, yes, I can), he actually didn’t even acknowledge me as a dps player. He dismissed S’ answer and called me a “support role”.

Now, I realize my Sage is multi-functional. She can toss a heal if needed, she can bubble someone so they don’t get destroyed by a lightning ball in the Soa fight, she can even battle rez so that a healer doesn’t have to switch focus.

But she’s still DPS. She has two possible specs – heals and dps. Neither of those options includes the word “support”. She may be a hybrid, but you still pick one of two specialties.

I can’t even begin to voice how pissed off that comment made me. Especially when, sadly, I’m pretty sure that’s not how he meant it. He was actually just ignorant enough to think that such a thing wouldn’t bother me. I mean, he actually likes having me in raid (I think), so I can’t be all bad. The validation I get for my toon knowing people WANT her in raid is awesome.

But still. I am in there doing my damn ass BEST to get that boss killed, just like the other four/five dps in the raid with me.

Don’t be afraid to admit that I’m doing the same job as you, just because I’m a woman. Because it’s not cool.

Welcome!

I don’t expect this blog to be the source of anything “profound” or “life changing”. I’m not even really sure if anyone will ever read it.
However, I’m feeling the need to have a space larger than simply facebook, or the constraints of twitter, to really get my thoughts out there somehow.
So, do what I am doing… Sit down, kick back, and just enjoy the ride. 🙂